Why Many Muslim-Background Believers Become Expert Liars and How to Mentor Them Through It

Roland Muller wrote, “Many Christian workers are encouraged as they see the seeker or new convert growing in the faith, learning the Bible, and developing some spiritual maturity. And then, all of a sudden, he is gone, or he dramatically slows down and soon stops seeking or growing” (Muller, the Messenger, the Message, and the Community, third edition, 84). 

Muller’s experience with such circumstances is that the new believers have developed “two faces” and are struggling to know what to do. Face #1 desires Jesus and wants to be conformed to Him and grow into spiritual maturity. Face #2 desires to remain in good standing in their family and community. Face #1 follows Jesus, while Face #2 continues to look like a Muslim. For many Western workers, the gap between these two faces is alarming. If we are not careful, Muslim-background believers (MBBs) can develop into expert liars during this process. The disciple-maker must help them grow to maturity through great patience and wisdom.

The Journey of How MBBs Become Expert Liars

Before sharing how the disciple-maker should help MBBs with these issues, let me describe the journey that MBBs take to become expert liars. Imagine a young man, Muhammad, who grew up in a legalistic Muslim home. His family forced him to attend mosque prayers regularly and outwardly present as a good Muslim. However, he knows that neither he nor his family follows Islam well. His cousins drink alcohol and chase girls. One of his uncles is known to be having an affair, but no one talks openly about it. His dad is abusive and angry much of the time. But outwardly, everyone presents as a good Muslim. During Ramadan, everyone becomes quite devout, but the rest of the year, Muhammad’s family is quite lazy in their obedience to Islam.

There are three dynamics at play here. First, Islam is a works-based religion, which often harbors this kind of religious hypocrisy. Let me describe. Many Muslims are worn out with all the religious rules placed on them, making it so that they try to figure out what is necessary to be “ok.” Many realize that they can never match up to the expectations of Islam. So, they opt to present themselves as being good Muslims to others. If they cannot be a good Muslim, they can at least look like a good Muslim.

Second, the honor-shame orientation of most Islamic societies puts a premium on showing others that you are a good Muslim to gain honor in the eyes of others. For example, if your uncle is having an affair, the whole family will cover it up so that the family does not face dishonor from it. These dynamics result in young men like Muhammad growing up in an environment that fosters lying. 

Third, an Islamic doctrine called taqiyah allows permissible deceit and lying. Different schools of Islam have different opinions about this doctrine, but one common take is that it is acceptable to lie to outsiders so as not to dishonor Islam. Others say that it is only permissible to lie to avoid persecution. Sunni Muslims have told me that only Shia practice taqiyah. The difficulty is that since this doctrine is about the permissibility of lying to defend your faith, it is hard to always know who is telling the truth about how taqiyah is or is not practiced. The result of these three factors is that young Muslims grow up in an environment where lying and deceit are common.

Now, imagine Muhammad, who grew up in this context. One day, a stranger comes to him, shares the gospel with him, and gives him a Gospel of Matthew. Muhammad’s heart is touched by the gospel message. He is curious, but he knows that he needs to hide this curiosity from his family. He secretly reads the Gospel of Matthew and begins googling his questions. Out of fear, he is actually more careful to go to the mosque and present himself as a Muslim so no one might suspect he is reading about Jesus. 

Over time, he continues to meet with a follower of Jesus and begins growing spiritually. At the same time, he presents himself as a good Muslim to his family. The follower of Jesus begins asking him questions about sharing the message with his family. He is a smart kid, and he knows they expect this of him, so he begins making up stories to make them happy. He starts with a small lie that he shared with his sister, which encourages the followers of Jesus. So they direct Muhammad to share more with her and take more accountability. Muhammad is stuck in the lie, so he goes with it. 

Muhammad is now lying to his family, presenting himself as a good Muslim. He is also lying to his new Christian friends, presenting himself as more spiritually mature and more evangelistic than he really is. Muhammad fears that either side might see through his lies and reject him. 

With all this deceit swirling around, Muhammad is introduced to other MBBs. One asked him how much money he was getting from the foreigners. Muhammad is confused, having never even considered getting money from them. His new friend explains to him that some of the foreigners are willing to give money to MBBs to be able to do ministry and that he would be happy to make an introduction. Muhammad is told that it’s typical and that if he just baptized a Muslim or two, many foreigners would trust him and see him as a spiritual leader. His new friend tells Muhammad that he promised one of his friends the equivalent of $100 USD if he could baptize him in front of some foreigners to build trust. 

I could keep going, but my point is that the process of Muslims coming to Jesus is often rigged so that deceit emerges. MBBs often unexpectedly become expert liars. Muller uses a more considerate term, saying they become “two-faced.” Muller asserts, “You must assume that there is another face” (85). 

The Decision: To Help or Not to Help

There are usually two different responses to this discussion: mercy and anger. One person hears this process, and their heart is filled with mercy for MBBs. They desire to help MBBs mature and grow through these issues. Others hear the same information and become filled with anger. They throw their hands up in disgust and want to leave the mess. Others feel a combination of mercy and anger and must wrestle with how they will respond. 

Muller asserts that every MBB faces these challenges. I agree with him. Therefore, to help MBBs grow to maturity, we must become experts at addressing these issues. Ultimately, each person seeking to make disciples among MBBs has to decide whether they will get hands-on with these issues. However, addressing and overcoming them is the only path to help MBBs grow to maturity and multiply. 

Ten Tips to Help MBBs Overcome Lying

1. Expect MBBs to lie to you. Many workers believe their MBB partners and friends are not lying to them. That may be true, but they have often fallen into the lying trap. So, the first thing you need to do is have your eyes open. Do not be surprised when they lie. Expect it. 
2. Accept MBBs even when they lie to you. In Western society, lying and breaking trust are often considered great sins. If someone lies, trust is broken, and Westerners usually cannot or will not get past these issues. On this issue, Westerners need to mature to work with MBBs. If you cannot accept and love an MBB when they “burn” you, my advice is to go spend time with the Lord and ask Him to fill you with more love for Muslims and MBBs. I am not trying to be glib here. I know these are complex issues, but this is required. 
3. Get closer to MBBs when they lie. When Westerners catch MBBs in their lies, they often distance themselves from those MBBs. I want to encourage the exact opposite. Spend more time with them. Get to know them better and better. Your disciple needs help in this area. More than likely, they will not figure it out on their own.
4. Observe them with their friends and family. Do not just get to know your MBB; get to know their friends and family. Observe how they act around others. Watch how they present themselves to their friends and family. Look at the sins that they are surrounded by. It is challenging to disciple MBBs without understanding what is really happening in their lives. 
5. Specifically and clearly call them out in love. When I told you to accept lying MBBs and get closer to them when they lie, I did not mean to ignore the deceit. Instead, gently let them know that you have seen it. But reassure them of your relationship with them. If they are in a leadership role, you may need to create boundaries or adjust your expectations of them, especially if finances are involved.
6. Help the MBB go public. Perhaps the most profound step in discipleship for most MBBs is beginning to stand before their friends and family as followers of Jesus. This one simple step dispels so much deceit. For more information about this step, click here for another article. Going public often results in persecution, so click here for a second article on that subject. 
7. Connect the MBB to a jamaat or church. Much of the MBB’s deceit is an attempt to control relationships around themselves. If MBBs can become integrated into the body of other followers of Jesus, they will have a much better chance of working through these issues gainfully. God intends all believers to become part of a body of believers.
8. Introduce them to MBBs who have overcome these issues. As you work with MBBs, help some to overcome these issues so that they can help others. You have to get one person through these issues and stand publicly. Then get a second. Then, a third. Slowly and carefully develop more and more who have overcome. A movement will occur when sufficient believers have worked through these issues and are helping others. 
9. Teach the Word on speaking the truth. Clearly and directly teach your MBB friend from Scripture why it is essential to tell the truth. My favorite passage is Matthew 5:33-37. In fact, the entire Sermon on the Mount is necessary to disciple new MBBs.
10. Be very careful with money. If you quickly give money to new MBBs, especially for ministry, you will likely exacerbate these issues. The most common pattern is that ministries decide to start doing Muslim ministry, so they look around for an MBB or two to hire to kick-start the process. So, they approach new MBBs and offer them money to join their ministry. Please avoid this trap at all costs.

In addition, I recommend you read chapter nine of Roland Muller’s The Messenger, the Message, and the Community for another great take on this topic. The second edition is available for free here. You can also purchase the third edition in print on Amazon or the fourth edition for Kindle.